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Atheist Community of Austin
Need a white lie to keep a family together

Hi,<br /> Perhaps this is a personal and petty question to be asked in a form <br /> where philosophical thoughts are the topic of discussion. But i dont have<br /> anything to lose by asking.<br /> <br /> I am a hindu by birth and want to marry a christian. <br /> We both follow atheism. But, we dont want to profess our beliefs to <br /> our families, since we do not want them upset. We believe that our<br /> faith is for us to keep and follow, and it wont be any weaker if it stays<br /> unadvertized.<br /> <br /> His family want me to convert to christianism to marry him in a church.<br /> I dont want to break my in-laws family because of us. <br /> <br /> How can I get a "white lie" conversion certificate, so that I marry him<br /> without having to cause a fight in his family?

I don't know what you mean by "white lie" conversion certificate. I've never heard of such a thing.<br /> <br /> I think that if the two of you are dedicated enough and mature enough with one another that you are ready to get married, then you should just do it as atheists. You're adults and it's time to start living your lives and stop doing everything based upon how parents and family might react or be upset. I know this is easier said than done, since in a marriage, families do tend to get involved in the big picture (it's one reason I personally am so anti-marriage.) Your fianceé's family might want you to convert but that is their problem. They can't tell you how to live your life, or what to believe. No one can. It isn't their decision. Either you and your partner should be ready to make the decision that you are doing this for yourselves, not them, or you should postpone the marriage until such a time as you are ready to cut that umbilical. If truth and honesty is the sort of thing that will "cause a fight" in his family then that is a situation you do not be to be in, full stop.<br /> <br /> Sorry if that sounds like hardline advice but facing the truth and being honest with yourself is essential in this life. Living a lie is what causes problems and pain in the long run.

My wife and I had a similar situation a few years ago when we married. My family is Christian and my wife was raised atheist. My family pressured us to have the wedding in a church arguing that if her family is atheist then why should it matter to them (I hate that logic - my dad tried to claim Xmas this year as the holiday that we have to spend with them as opposed to spending it with my in-laws since "they are not even Christians"). <br /> <br /> We decided to have a beautiful outdoor wedding in our backyard. I told my parents that the only fair thing to do was to have the wedding at a neutral spot where both families would be comfortable. We had a judge perform the ceremony. <br /> <br /> You should tell your parents you do not wish to insult your future in-laws' religious beliefs by following hindu traditions and he should tell his parents the same. Have a home wedding or use one of the many secular wedding facilities around Austin.<br /> <br /> Good Luck!!!

yeah, that situation is horse shit. my parents are mormon, and my ex was the baptist preacher's daughter. since i've been on both sides, i can tell you it feels a hell of a lot better to "come out". and any family/friends worth keeping in your life will love you regardless. good luck.

new to austin, and looking for a way to meet other atheists. humor me-- jbr0073@unt.edu

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